The Package that Delivered Last Year’s Beginnings

I bought this Coeur Sports Kona bikini top because it’s a fantasy dream of mine to qualify, and it’s really cute. They only had size medium left in stock, and rumor had it the sizes ran small. When it arrived I reluctantly tried it on. It fit. I casually looked at John and said, “Cool, I have a bikini top for next summer”


His response made me stop and remember where I was a year ago. “Would you have imagined a year ago that you would ever say something like that?”

A year ago I got on a plane and flew to California for a women’s weekend retreat. I was trusted as the video person for the event. I was terrified of what kind of girl drama I might find myself in. I was vulnerable and unhealthy in many ways.

I sobbed at keynote speaker Kelly Roberts talk about body image and shaming. Shaming is the worst by the way. Don’t do it, EVER, for any reason. If you don’t agree or like what someone else is doing, don’t even vague shame it. Just move onto something else. Give HUGS! Give compliments. Don’t shame.

The retreat was an opportunity and a gift. The theme resilience, courage, truth and clarity were topics every woman could resonate with. I struggled with truth. At the time I might say my truth was that I was hurt by past relationships. Even a year later, I found myself thinking about how I relate with those words, and truth still felt like a trick question. What is my truth?

Photo taken November 1, 2017.

I looked through old photos to see if any memories might trigger something, and sure enough, a quote that didn’t have any meaning at the time was spot on, one year later.

When you show up as you, you create the space for others to do the same. Walk in your truth.

As challenging as it has been to share my forty pound weight loss, it was my truth. Every little bit of the process that I chose to share was me, a real, regular everyday person. I’m not special, I haven’t gone through any trauma, haven’t had a life-changing epiphany, not selling shakes, not a fitness-buff, fanatic, pro, life coach or any other label you can drum up.

I am a person who was unhappy with how I was living and decided to change that. Nobody told me to change, nobody told me how. I didn’t know what I was doing or if it would work. It required all-in honesty with myself.

I share because I know it helps others. I get private messages from women thanking me for sharing, asking me for advice, or simply being an understanding person for their vent. I love these messages. I love that women are being brave and taking those first steps towards their goals.

To answer John’s question, no, not in a million years would I have ever imagined one year ago the transformation that I’ve created for myself. One year ago me would be really, really shock-faced and proud.

How will one year from today YOU feel?


  1. You are an inspiration! You stopped wishing for change and made change happen!! Your dedication, grit, resilience, tenacity, strength, and courage shine bright on your happy face!! I’m so proud of you!! ❤️🙌🏻

    Liked by 1 person

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