The words “What if I quit?” fell out of my mouth today. What? Since when? When do I ever quit?
…. Oh, yeah, when it comes to taking care of myself and living a healthy life I have quit, many, many times before. Since Black Friday I have been counting my calories and drastically cut my intake of alcohol. There. I have been avoiding typing those words onto this blog, yet sharing it in other corners of the internet.
I have been down this counting calories path before. In the past it has lasted maybe a month, and then I would slip back into my old habits. What makes this time any different? What if it’s not different? What if I quit?
I can almost confidently type that this time is different. The difference this time is that I’m intentionally cutting the booze. The booze is the most difficult piece of this puzzle to explain. It’s personal. It’s embarrassing. It’s hard. It’s real. (Sidenote, I’m not an alcoholic, and that’s not denial typing. In researching and taking several self-diagnosis quizzes I found that I exercised alcohol abuse, not dependence. Since Black Friday I’ve had a total of 3.5 beers; two at a social gathering, and one and a half on Christmas Eve. You bet I counted those beer calories too.)
Black Friday was five weeks ago now. In that time I’ve lost five pounds and noticed a difference in how a tank top fit me. I created a collage for comparison. Stumbling onto this visual was a surprise to me a few days ago. Wow, that transformation happened in just five weeks. What would happen if I don’t quit?
Why am I sharing this now? I’ve been quietly sharing in other safer spaces on the internet. I’ve gotten private messages thanking me for sharing. I’m proud of the little progress I’ve made. This morning when I uttered the words, “What if I quit?” my friend didn’t even flinch and responded with “What if you kick ass?”
So kick ass I will.